Making Deposits

Yesterday, I discussed an analogy of an emotional bank account to describe relationships. Instead of money, an emotional bank account measures the level of trust you have with another person.

Building or repairing relationships take time; there are no quick fixes. Genuine deposits have to be made on a regular basis. There are six major types of deposits.

Understanding the individual is really the key to all of the other deposits. You cannot know what constitutes a deposit with another person until you understand him or her. What you might perceive as a deposit might be considered a withdrawal by the other person because it does not meet the needs or touch his or her interests. It has to be as important to the other person as the other person is to you. For example, what do you think of a Christmas gift you receive that you don't like? You're not going to be very thankful to the person who gave it. Conversely, if it is the perfect gift, you care so much more for that person because he or she was so thoughtful.

The little kindnesses and courtesies are the 2nd type of deposits. Small slights, little forms of disrespect, and inconsiderate actions make large withdrawals. In relationships, the big and important things are the little things. The old taunting "sticks and stones ..." is one of the biggest lies ever told.

Keeping a commitment or promise is a major deposit; consequently, breaking one a major withdrawal. People tend to build their hopes and dreams around promised. Once betrayed, your future commitments will not mean much. Remember the story of the boy who cried "Wolf!" once too often.

Clarifying expectations is sometimes very necessary because conclusions and actions are based on expectations. If they are not clear, misunderstandings arise causing hurt feelings, disappointment, and withdrawals of trust. Beware of implicit or assumed expectations that are not expressed. "You didn't tell me" is a recipe for a major withdrawal. This is especially important with new relationships. First impressions tend to remain in our minds a long time.

Personal integrity generates trust. Lack of integrity can erode and undermine all other efforts to create high trust because the person then appears to be phony. Double standards also fall into this category. That person probably has ulterior motives that will serve his own interest without a genuine gain for you creating a lose/win situation. A person showing integrity walks his talk. One way to manifest integrity is to be loyal with those who are not present. In doing so, we build trust with those who are present. Integrity also means to avoid any communication that is deceptive. In this way, integrity goes beyond honesty.

There are always times when we have to make withdrawals from our emotional bank account. When this happens, we should sincerely apologize. Sincere words can even turn the withdrawal into a deposit. "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry". However, if this occurs too frequently, our apologies will not be interpreted as sincere and will count as a withdrawal. People will forgive honest mistakes, mistakes of judgment; but they are unlikely to forgive mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, or the hostile motive.

Maintaining a high emotional bank account with everyone you interact with on a regular basis will help you become a more effective person; whether you are a parent, child, manager, employee, teacher, or student. It will facilitate meaningful relationships and allow them to grow. Effective communication will be easy, allowing your needs and the needs of others to be understood, enabling cooperation to exist. Your needs will be met along with the other person's creating a win/win situation. This can be applied with one on one or as part of the interdependent actions of a whole organization. Thus, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Success is now shared by all.

A man who has riches without understanding
is like the beasts that perish. Psalms 49:20 (NIV)

If you have comments or questions, please feel free to contact me at the address below.
Email: DeltaInspire@panama-vo.com