Emotional Bank Account

Since the holidays are a time for spending with family and friends, I thought it appropriate to discuss personal relationships. One of the best analogies about the workings of a relationship is from Stephen R. Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He compares a relationship to a emotional bank account. Except the emotional bank account measures the amount of trust we have in another person instead of money. Deposits can be made through acts of kindness, courtesy, honesty, integrity, and keeping commitments. Withdrawals are made through acts of disrespect, discourtesy, ignoring the other person, cutting the other person off when speaking, not listening to what the other person is saying, betraying trust, threatening or manipulating the other person.

It's easy to see how this could apply to relationships. If you have a large balance with someone because of repeated deposits over time, they will readily trust you. Even if you do something that would constitute a withdrawal from the emotional bank account, that would be easily overlooked and temporary in nature. You have plenty of emotional money in the account. On the other hand, if you have zero in your emotional bank account, or worse, a negative balance, you would be treated with little patience or even very harshly when encountering the other person. The communication will be marked by tension, uncertainty, posturing, backstabbing, and intended double meanings; because you have zero level of trust with the other person.

Relationships that have constant or frequent interaction require continuing deposits to remain satisfying and productive. Some people think along the lines of the axiom "what have you done for me lately?" If continuing deposits are not made, the relationship will deteriorate to one of accommodation, where both parties simply are tolerant of one another. If deposits still are made, it may deteriorate further to one of hostility, resentment, and defensiveness. The next step downward would be a relationship of open warfare.

So what deposits have you made with the people that you care about?

The man of integrity walks securely,
but he who takes crooked paths will be found out. Proverbs 10:9 (NIV)

If you have comments or questions, please feel free to contact me at the address below.
Email. DeltaInspire@panama-vo.com